Operas and Laptops

Excellent news! 
I am the proud owner of a new shiny not Apple and not 2nd hand laptop! Its a Dell Inspiron 11 3000 and will suit my needs just fine if I can figure out Windows 8. I'm now remastering the art of the left click which I once missed but now find incredibly annoying, it is a touch screen though so all is not lost on the frustration front. My bank account is low once more signaling all is well with the world. 

Photos will take a while to get figured out I need to download a few programs because lord knows Microsoft paint and I wont get along, I'll be diligently working on getting back in my old ways soon. Since when did all computers stop having cd drives as well? I've been out of the market for a while now... 
Its seems exploring this new system that Macs are the computer equivalent of a paint by numbers and Pcs made for those who like torture and unfathomable matrix-esque folders everywhere. (I'm not very computer savvy)

To hold you over here is the first photo I put on the pc taken during the dark times of no laptops past, I hate the editor so I'm gonna wait on doing more work.

I call it plant in sink

The kick starters still up and going to recoup the loss of my Outback bus money so if you like what you see feel free to send a few (or a heap) of singles my way I'll have stories to share that I can guarantee. Kickstarter

This past weekend I attended Don Giovanni at the Iconic Sydney Opera house. Mozart is my 2nd favorite composer and 1st favorite t-shirt until it was lost to bleach. If you have this shirt in medium please send it to me I need it back in my life.

 Part missing, Decomposing since 1791

Anyways, I had shoved a notebook into a small bag I was taking in lieu of my giant backpack but had forgotten a pen; I scored myself a cheap overpriced plastic one from the gift shop. The wait was mainly uneventful I was crazy early having gone looking at computers before hand and spent far less time than I imagined I would. Pretty much I sat by the water, drank beer, ate some soup and was cold for about an hour all while writing about it in unnecessary detail which I omit for the sake of your sanity. I did see a woman reading an article on How to Be Alone however and felt an overwhelming urge to tell her to go home go in her room and lock the door.

Show time grew closer as I scribble nonsense and baby stepped my way over towards the Joan Sutherland Theater.  

The Opera.

Ahh the Opera a timeless art that has transcended the years since its prime becoming the muse of the elderly and rich in the minds of many generations of younger persons. I had a great night and it certainly was a night of observation as I drank my $10.50 glass of wine on the Opera house balcony. If you want to see a diverse group of people of all cultures and social classes see an Opera. I promise you glam and glitz from the wealthy, some tourist assholes in jeans (last opera I saw), the casual local show goer in black and the elderly in styles, well, only your grandma would wear. As I sat in my last row seats I admired the atmosphere of subdued excitement an easy relaxed vibe of anticipation. The lights dimmed and the numerous bald heads of the crowd glowed fainter and fainter. 

Music drifted from the orchestra pit and it was almost immediately apparent far removed from its creation this show would be captivating. The thing about Opera is everything is explained as if to a foreigner with no grasp of the language, takes 30 minutes to explain Don Givonni is an asshole and another 40 to show how sad Donna Anna is at the death of her father, but the tedium is surprisingly minimal for my young technology impaired brain. The vocal range of the singers was incredible as women threw themselves to the floor yelling out in the throes of emotional distress, it was nice to see someone more over dramatic than me last week to be quite honest.

At over three hours the Opera went surprisingly quickly, I have tons of respect for the actors I cant imagine how they feel towards the end of a run but I can imagine exhausted its a long show, they're built of tough stuff. A young European couple in the mid to late 20s didn't make it past intermission and in front of me a greasy headed man with his cougar companion let his head flop in various directions as he was awoken by the orchestra. Don Giovanni was eventually pulled into hell as ripples of consciousness came to life in the audience, we watched engulfed; this was immediately followed by uneasy shifting in seats at the prospect of standing up and stretching, only a warning to the sinners of the world that this would be their fate for their wicked ways left to get through.

I cant recommend seeing a show at the Opera House more highly and I would strongly encourage you to take out the nicest pants you own and dress up for the occasion. It's the icon of Sydney and has numerous productions for all tastes from Opera to the Symphony and theater productions; coming up shortly the Bob Dylan formerly known as a singer will be performing as well.

It may have taken 15 years to build, been 14x over budget caused many people heaps of grief and been a general pain in the ass to build but the Opera House is beautiful and absolutely worth the price of a ticket to have the honor of seeing a show in.

Its with a heavy heart I read this morning about the death of Robin Williams, there are certain celebrities that you don't realize impacted your life so much until they die. I never quite noticed just how many movies in my childhood starred him and the countless laughs I got since then from his films and stand-up. Comedy can be a terribly depressing business, to be funny you need to be observant and find in your particular way the humor in everyday life no matter how mundane. That same astute observational skill isn't turned off on yourself and unfortunately as with many greats before him it seems finding a way to dull a lively mind becomes stronger than the desire to live. RIP.

From the Mind to Print and Back Again

I've listed my kickstarter and hope with all my heart it will be sucessful so I can get back on track with my work. I thought intensely about it over the past day, half of me was excited to get my photos and writing out there and get people as excited as I am to continue and the other half was saying this is just a hobby and you really don't deserve help. I'm glad I heard that horrible voice because my photography is not a hobby its actually what I live for; I devote all free time joyfully to it and quite honestly feel a bit depressed not having the ability to share the photos I've taken post computer capable of RAW format. Before leaving New York I was always intending on creating a book, I didn't expect to be back home right after the 3 months in Hawaii I wanted to get away long term. At the time I didn't connect photography to the idea but that is a huge bonus in my life and even more reason to get started. I'm ready to commit myself to that original goal of a travel book because if I've learned anything recently its that I've got plenty to say. Sometimes its really easy to discount your work as much as it means to you and realizing you do is the first step to creative freedom, my photography means so much that I'm willing to take a chance at failing to raising enough money.

For those new to the blog check out Victoriafennell.com for my photography, I hope to find a raw converter capable with this computer to put up some of the newer photos over the past week but I'm using my host moms old work laptop and it limits updates and new program downloads.

The link to my kickstarter page is, https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/toritakesphotos/the-pursuit-of-travel

Au-pairing is a lonely job, life revolves around the kids needs and school schedule, my free time had been revolving around my photography and writing for months now and the absence of access to photos has been sorely missed. 

So a brief update on the laptop situation.

I went to the Apple store yesterday to have my laptop checked out; I ordered a screwdriver last week to have a peek inside and allow little in depth drying before handing it over. It didn't look good. Bits of what looked like pet hair and fuzz were caked onto the components which were themselves a distorted and a clearly corroded color. I knew it was over and probably could have skipped the torment I put myself through getting it looked at but I dragged my feet to the train with a heart of heavy hope to make the 12:45 appointment.

I walked down the long hallway of the mall towards the Apple store with the look of a deer in the headlights standing in a cold doctors office with dozens of needles pointed at various parts of my body. I felt I had lost my social confidence and was genuinely nervous about going in. I was only a few minutes early and sat next to a woman getting her two laptops checked out, I couldn't sit still. A greasy looking teenager slid over towards me after helping the older woman, his name tag said genius on it and although he was really very nice I cant remember his name. I smiled trying to look alright, I explained my situation quickly and in much less detail than I had run through over and over again in my head about how to explain my stupidity. The real conversation was not even close to what I had imagined. The employees here must be used to people on the verge of breaking down in tears I figured, its so stressful. He explained he'd be taking the laptop to the backroom, I listened not hearing anything engulfed in a swirl of thoughts I cant even remember. I sat rubbing my hands together fidgeting unconsciously trying to look comfortable and okay. A woman sat to the right of me with a faulty iPhone, she smiled. I felt my shoulders hunched over and my face unnaturally long, I straightened up and smiled back. She knew my deal she heard my sputtering and half mumbling shameful explanation. She was so kind and for a few minutes took my mind off the man in the back who would momentarily tell me my computer could be replaced for the fee of a mere 1500 dollars. I wish I could remember what we spoke about, I remember her iPhone was broken but it was new so she'd be getting a new one free for sure; her daughters Mac was trashed as well but I think she was trying to make me feel better. I could have hugged her thinking back now but I find when nervous my mind does not like to process or save any information.

She motioned her head towards the door, wide eyed and in slow motion I looked to see the boy carrying my laptop looking glum. I seriously was trying not to cry, thats what my energy was focused on. I pride myself in being tough but I'm terrible at stopping myself from shedding tears in distressing moments. My mind remembers the diagnosis as,
Dead 
Repair not worth it. Are you a student? 
I asked with my hand over my mouth if anything was salvageable, he said something along the lines of, a few keys might work.

I said a few okays and then knowing full well if I didn't get out of there fast I would start leaking, I thanked him as best I could and said "I gotta go." I turned back quickly to wave goodbye to the woman to the right of me but I'm not sure she saw, I 'm so happy she grounded me during that wait.

In actual fact I'm glad I know the drama is over, there is no more maybe it will come on it and hesitant plugging in. It is now a nice extremely expensive paperweight for the piles of notes I have accumulated since its departure. My writings are lost to the infosphere very sadly, the big black box in the electromagnetic waves. In another form they still live in my mind and one day I'll sort through and decide what deserves to be brought back to print. Such is life, its only a possession and I will bounce back eventually with a ton of photos to share.

Erasing the Week from Memory

Its really amazing how last week was the complete opposite of the prior, I hope that means good things are about to happpen... so far so good. I decided to try something new on Sunday, writing my post whilst traveling, the result is not 100% in the moment however its pretty true to form where I did minus some obscenities.

I decided to continue the week from hell by going to Kiama and seeing how things went. Staying in I figured wouldn't be very beneficial to my overall worldly view I needed to stretch my legs and enjoy my cheap travel Sunday of which I will soon be running low on. I'm now on the train on the way to Kiama and my reserve of fucks to give is running alarmingly low, my tank of optimism almost drained I feel the look of indifference plague my face.

I woke up late Sunday morning forgetting that my alarm only went off on weekdays, I moved slowly this particular Sunday not entirely sure how much I actually cared about going anywhere. After some coffee and delaying, I accepted the fact that I needed a change of pace and went to the station ready to try and switch my luck around. I arrived at central station and found the connecting train to Kiama pretty quickly for you know being me; it left in about 30 minutes. I walked a long hallway and rode down one of the longest escalators of my life, gusts of wind blew fiercly from the vents to make it all the more unpleasent. 

I was spit out on an underground platform, one of the few i've seen in Sydney Central Station. The stop reminded me of a NYC subway minus the rats (just because you don't see them doesn't mean they aren't there) and psychopaths. The air smelled like a moist old book and the walls ran with discolored water stains of unknown origin.  Ads lined the opposing wall for go figure, laptops; people looked gleefully at pie charts ignoring the beautiful sunny park day just past their screens. If your job requires you to be looking at pie charts in a park on what is obviously your time off, you need a new job.

I soon grew bored narrating my own life as there was absolutely nothing going on, I began doodling in my book drawing on level with the artistic talents of an 8 year old. I scribbled away the time glancing up periodically to watch the minutes dwindle. I thought about how when something is on your mind you're haunted by it. Computers were on my mind and I felt like every coffee shop i'd passed had folks smiling illuminated smiles as they watched their cat videos, every train car had the tap, tap tap, tap of fingers with a little something to say. I grew cynical in my artwork and was for a time absorbed.  

At last glance of the clock it was 1min till departure, I started gathering my things and stood up waiting for the train untangling myself from headphones and various pens. The minute turned to nothing as I walked towards the yellow line. A train started passing slowly by picking up speed as it moved, it did not stop. I stood there stupefied and walked towards the edge, I had apparently been sitting beyond the trains stopping point. This was news to me as all the others had reached this far, I knew because I'd just watched them. I then realized the express train might be smaller and I would be getting no breaks today. I sucked it up and pretended to be okay with the set back but knew the next train was an hour away and was not an express. 

I didn't believe in ghosts till my Mac died

I couldn't handle watching all the same trains pass again so I boarded the first train to Bondi Junction figuring moving would be better than just sitting idly in a smelly dark tunnel. I continued my pissed off art as I traveled the same path I would shortly have to take back. I arrived at another underground station with 30 mins to spare again. I looked around noticing I was about the only person around; I searched for some form of amusement, all I could see to entertain myself were ads for alcoholism.

See whats on your mind huh? Wino.

This was the result of the passing 30 minutes of waiting and the ad that sparked my imagination.

Finally I was off again it may have been the same direction but any was better than none. I watched the list of stops pass by, it was the first time I had paid attention and was shocked at the amount. I wasn't sure at this rate if I'd even make it to Kiama by sunset. I made a pact there with myself that if that was the case wherever I was at the time I would get off the train and take pictures. 

Time passed... Slowly. There was a place called Waterfall I thought if it actually had waterfalls I would have gotten out but I wasn't convinced and rightly so. It became apparent this was not only not the express it was bound to be the longest mentally challenging train ride of my life dwarfing even the 11 hour trip to Byron Bay. I looked out the window cursing my decision to leave the house, I dont know how stared into the trees but about an hour into the trip a flash of blue broke through the trees. I perked up, What did I just see? Another line of blue another flashed by when suddenly the landscape opened up to that spectacular Australian coast I love so much. For about 30mins in this tiring day I felt a little bit of weight life off my shoulders as I allowed myself to get lost in the view.

Unfortunately it didn't last too long but was replaced by some rather lovely country on the opposite side. Some obnoxiously loud Aussie teen girls had gotten on the train at a place I wrote down as Underwearra, I refused to move behind them; I can only take so much squawking and cockatoos already took care of that for the day. 

Eventually we arrived at Kiama I walked off the train to a chill I was unprepared for and headed in the direction of the town. Everything was shut down on Sunday evening around 5:30, with the exception of one was bar that I could see. I made a mental note just in case I'd need to stop in there but thought more along the lines of the soonest train back. 

Kiama is a quaint town undoubtedly lively with tourists on the weekend days. The Kiama blowhole is the main attraction, its apparently the worlds largest. Water goes in the bottom and water sprays out the top, thats about it. Its not something that will make or break your vacation certainly but fun I'm sure on a hot summers day with some friends if your looking to possibly and unexpectedly be drenched in water. I saw, I snapped photos and I left knowing deep down I would be unable to do anything with them at the moment. I walked back to the train station as it started getting cold and found my train leaving in go figure 27 minutes. 

Its okay not to be happy all the time, if we were we wouldn't be human. Rough weeks end and we hope for the best next time around. Overall I probably should have stayed home but I got some nice sunset photos so I cant complain, I did enough during the trip as you can tell. Those photos will be added here later I've been told by an unreliable source I can borrow a less ancient laptop and post them. If that unreliable source reliably falls through I'll do my best to get around the limits of this beast im typing on.

Updates on laptop... I opened it up and it looked like a swamp bits of dust and fuzz and dirt caked on the discolored electronics. Not good, tomorrow is D-day I've got an appointment with a professional heart breaker at Apple and will find out if my future holds Mac or PC in store. 

Kick Starter was approved but I haven't listed it yet because, sure, I want a new computer to do my blogging and photography and yes im poor but, I'm also wondering besides trying to get you all off your butts to explore the world, what is my mission and what more can I do? I'm having a meaningful moment and will take a night to explore what besides the idea of a book and digital copies of photos I can offer in return for financial help.

Opera and Bondi beach this weekend, till next time.