Wednesday, February 26, 2014

The terrifying and true tale of the Crack Spider

(Not spider of the story but a daily sight for me now)

Firstly welcome to my blog, in short im a 23 year old New Yorker traveling abroad looking for something, ill tell you what it is when I find it. Im currently in the land of deadly creatures, Australia. Its a beautiful place where you can roam freely through the grasses in constant fear of attack. Its actually not that bad all that's attacked me personally are bull ants.

A lot of weird things have happened to me or to people around me lately. I feel I should share my experiences, this is my first story.


The terrifying and true tale of the Crack Spider 

My story starts one night in the country side of Australia. Usually when I tell people Im in Australia the first question that pops up is about spiders. Yes they’re here, yes some of them are huge and again yes almost all are terrifying. However you don’t see them that often especially the the poisonous ones, I'd like to add the big ones to that list as well but they love to be in inconvenient places (trampoline, when i'm on it). For the most part it’s just regular old house spiders. We generally just try to keep away from spiders that's just the nature of the place, if it looks bad walk away. The crack spider of this tale was infinitely more gut wrenching than any insect I have ever encountered.

It began one Monday night when my roommate alerted me to a rather impressively sized spider high in the corner of the kitchen. We gazed at it commenting on the size and lack of distinguishing marks. It didn’t appear venomous, it wasn't particularly frightening all the way up there so high and far away. I figured spiders don’t seem too travel much so we brushed it off as okay maybe it would kill a few flies for us. Probably should have taken into account the lack of a web as to its homeless nature but I’m no Sherlock Holmes. Funny how something so far away can seem so monstrous up close. The next day we woke up to a breakfast of tea and the disgustingly addictive Vegemite on toast. Quick detour, Vegemite is really unexplainable I can only compare it to soy sauce, its extremely bitter and salty and pretty gross. However it after a few tries becomes really delicious! Not sure why....  Anyways I thought of the spider at some point in the morning and looked up to see it was gone. I didn’t think much of it the house is big and for the most part temporarily unoccupied so we went about our day drinking coke zero and spending our time on the various tasks of the unemployed.

Night fell.

The country stars were bright as we smoked what we thought would be our final cigarettes of the night. We retired to our rooms to begin our netflix binges until passing out. Prophets of science fiction Mary Shelly was my choice. I was lying down half paying attention half drifting off into random thoughts when I heard the scream. A scream of terror. My eyes raced to the screen it was too loud to have been from my tablet. I froze for one of the longest seconds of my life before jumping from my bed. Banging noises were coming from the other room. I moved towards the door as my roommate burst through pulsing with adrenaline. She was visibly shaking the spider had made it’s comeback and with a fury. She had been in bed with all the lights off save one flower set of string lights above her bed. From the crevices of the sheets the spider had been hiding, for what reason? Probably none, possibly sinister. It took a golden opportunity for whatever reason it had to rush directly for her. In a panic she had hit the mattress sending it flying into the air and back down onto the mattress to continue its charge. She rolled out of bed to the floor and promptly raced to my room. I take this moment to clarify if you can’t tell already, I am not a fan of spiders.

I walked into the room towards the bed, nothing in sight. I lifted the sheets not wanting to find the fugitive but of course it was there. It bolted back under the sheets as soon as they exposed it. I have never in my life seen an insect move so fast. My first instinct was to grab the biggest meanest shoe I could find however my roommate suggested a less messy solution of a container. Armed with my plastic and a trusty notebook I returned to the room ready for some hunting. Slowly again I pulled back the sheets it raced out from a fold I reacted bringing my tub-aware smack down over its body. It dashed side to side, up and down and upside down. This thing was the flash, it was a coked up ecstasy guzzling rager ready to sink its fangs into the tender softness of my flesh. With the slowness and precision of a surgeon and the nerves of a nude public speaking dream I slid the notebook under the prison. Caught! The lifting of the container was slow and careful I imagined it’s mysteriously lengthed fangs piercing the book and puncturing my skin. I walked the mile to the bathroom. Disposal seemed risky, I had but one chance. Left to its own devices this thing would probably attack it was mad and I was barefoot. In one swoop I knocked the creature into the porcelain grave followed my roommates administration of a hefty amount of bug spray while my hand simultaneously jumped for flush. It went down we watched and we waited, this beast was worthy of a horror movie comeback. This was no ordinary spider it was evil. Precious seconds passed, no legs from the depths. It had been defeated.

I will now here in Australia remain like a child afraid of the monster under her bed except it’s the monster in my sheets crawling closer and closer to my feet.